Let’s get right to it:

  1. I like it. Maybe I don’t. The bottom line is I have deluded myself to believe that I like it. It is much better than crying over some stupid thing (and boy can I cry over stupid things, behind a closed door, in the dark, under covers.) I do not want to be hurt. More importantly, I do not want to hurt someone.
  2. I am waiting. I still feel I am too young to fret over being single. Furthermore, I listen to too many songs and poems that tell me it is actually preferable to stay this way. So yeah, I blame Lecrae and Janette…ikz for writing ‘Like That’ and “I will wait for you’ respectively.
  3. ‘Shiku, socialize, don’t specialize.” Words from my mum way back in high school. I guess it stuck. I want to hang out with different male friends at different levels and sort of study them (wrong choice of word). The downside of this ‘wise’ move is that I now have friends who refer to me as one of their boys. Sigh. I can live with that.
  4. Maybe I never really got over someone somewhere. Let me not get into the details of that story.
  5. I never find the right guy. Yeah, I know you will go all ‘Shiku, there is no right guy’ on me. Sweetie, there is a right guy. If there wasn’t, we would get hitched to the first person of the opposite sex who shows interest. So I am yet to find him. Maybe one of my male friends will be the right guy someday but not today.
  6. I do not want baggage. Basically, I am a selfish little girl like I stated a year ago in this post here. I have this notion that if I decided to be committed to someone right now, I’d probably not give my all to my studies. Wrong notion, I know. What makes me think that when I get a full-time job, it will be easier to concentrate on both my job and my family if that is the reasoning I employ right now? All the same, that is me now. I want, no, I need to focus.
  7. Men do not want what I want. I know relationships are about compromise. I do not want to compromise right now. I am not going to cave in to what a man asks simply because I am in some love trance. This is a corollary to the fact that I have this weird bad-boy syndrome. I tend to fall for bad boys (relative term) faster than good boys when, all the while, I know we cannot be together, ever. If I said yes to one, he would obviously demand something I cannot give right now. So I’d rather be on my own until I figure out a way to stay put till the day a good man will present himself.
  8. I have set standards that are too high for my own good. It is a result of all these factors stated herein. I have convinced myself that I will not settle for less because I have a list. Oh yes, I have a list in my head.
  9. I think too much. I have a war in my brain. A war between pleasing everyone else around me with the boyfriend I choose or simply doing it for me. I am not that selfish after all. I may find someone who makes me happy but does not make my parents happy. (As if to drive this point home, mum just called as I was typing this very sentence. Second time she’s called today. Need I say more?) I rationalize too much. This is exactly what I am doing with this list right here.
  10. Though I rarely admit this, I have watched too many movies; too many fairy tales that fill all the wrong ideas in my head. Like I will go riding on a bus and meet my future husband just like that (Adjustment Bureau really got into my head).

I am done.

Written by Shiku Ngigi
Mum and dad's daughter. Shouting big sister. Learning to listen. Jesus freak. Recovering tomboy. Mouse potato. Bass addict. Waking up the writer in her.


  1. shiqx April 9, 2013 at 11:49 pm Reply

    i soooooooo feel you on this one kwanza the overthinking and selfishness and focus and not being ready and high standards…and..you get my drift. also i love the time it was written miss nocturnal moonlighter..:)

    • Shiku Ngigi April 10, 2013 at 9:01 pm Reply

      Ha! Glad you relate. However much I am nocturnal, Blogger time is not Kenyan time though. 🙂

  2. Yvonne Olga April 10, 2013 at 6:07 am Reply

    Interesting read 😀

  3. Mimmoh93 April 11, 2013 at 6:17 pm Reply

    Relatable and interesting..loved it.

  4. Alex Ruire April 13, 2013 at 11:15 am Reply

    Hahaha this post really made my morning…Your articles are interesting,original and something we can all relate to.Keep them coming 🙂

    • Shiku Ngigi April 14, 2013 at 1:55 pm Reply

      🙂 I appreciate your continued readership, keeps me going.

  5. simon gitonga April 9, 2015 at 7:27 am Reply

    So opinionated. Like the belief in self and poetic touch.made my morning

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