You know how a man seems interested in you and makes conversation then he cannot keep it up when you are already getting interested too? I hate that. I really do. I don’t get why someone would get my interest running then jump off the vehicle and leave it running down the hill. It sucks. It’s unfair. If you know you are going to do that to me, you’d rather just watch me from a distance. Watch me waiting for the next driver. Don’t just jump in because I look like I am desperate enough to let any driver on. I am not. I know I have my social flaws too. Like how I leave you hanging because I slept. But I apologize the next morning. Or how I snap at you when I am tired. Or how I simply do not talk.

I guess we all want to feel attractive. We all want to believe we are interesting enough to deserve to be missed when we do not initiate the conversation. We seek attention from one man or one woman. One walks in, another walks out. The circle of life. Unfortunately for us ladies, we don’t do the walking in but we can definitely do the walking out. We wait for you to walk in. Unless we are the aggressive kind.

I hate attention from a crowd. Attention from lots of people. But I love attention from one guy. That is always priceless. Makes me feel so happy inside, bubbles of unquestionable joy. I know it’s cliché but that does not make it not true. I always hope the feeling is mutual. That I make him feel the same too. If I feel I am not or won’t soon, I tell him to walk away before it’s too late. I might not say it explicitly, but I say it. I will say something mean. And he will disappear. I wanted him to leave but I did not want him to. You know what I’m saying? Subtle hints to test him. I have this convoluted concept that a real man will stand subtle tests. If he doesn’t, he was not worth it in the first place. He belongs to someone else.

I even send him away way before I can tell whether he is hitting on me or not. I give more than enough reason not to stick around. But he still sticks around. That’s step number one. And I establish that we can go somewhere. Then I start letting him make my days. I foolishly let go and keep thinking about him. And that’s when I begin to think that I should stop being friendly to men. That I should shut up. That I should stop blogging about relationships and love. These posts tend to dig up very many unwanted reactions. You will not see them but I see them in their various manifestations. Dire ones sometimes.

There is something wrong in making someone else feel unloved. It is a terrible thing. There is someone out there for everyone. No, not The One, but there is someone. Wait. Don’t jump. Don’t let jump. Trust me.

Every Monday this September, I will publish a piece (short or otherwise) I wrote months ago but held on to, like this one. Forlorn pieces. Maybe someone will relate at a similar point in life. Happy September!

Written by Shiku Ngigi

Mum and dad’s daughter. Shouting big sister. Learning to listen. Jesus freak. Recovering tomboy. Mouse potato. Bass addict. Waking up the writer in her.

    13 Comments

  1. Miriam September 1, 2014 at 8:04 am Reply

    Hehehe looking forward to read more…

    • Shiku Ngigi September 1, 2014 at 5:08 pm Reply

      Sit tight 😉

  2. Kizzy B September 1, 2014 at 11:24 am Reply

    Totally loved this post 🙂 Beautiful Piece

    • Shiku Ngigi September 1, 2014 at 5:08 pm Reply

      Thanks girlfriend!

  3. Hannah Akinyi September 1, 2014 at 12:42 pm Reply

    Happy Septemeber… to many more Forlorn pieces!

    • Shiku Ngigi September 1, 2014 at 5:09 pm Reply

      Haha! Cheers!

  4. Gertrude Nyenyeshi September 1, 2014 at 5:45 pm Reply

    I love to say mean things too. I also do not talk. I also have that mentality that a man should stand those test or else he is not worth it:)

    Always a reader.

    • Shiku Ngigi September 1, 2014 at 6:45 pm Reply

      And you know what, one comes and stands them.

      I appreciate de love, Gertie. 🙂

  5. Dickson September 4, 2014 at 2:06 am Reply

    Why don’t people, girls especially, see that at times someone just lacks what to say?
    Halafu, ladies can’t walk in but can walk out. Oh which rule is this?

    • Shiku Ngigi September 4, 2014 at 7:22 am Reply

      Haha! No comment. Halafu, I get the feeling that you would like to be pursued by a lady… Interesting.

      • The Eleventh September 4, 2014 at 4:11 pm Reply

        Your thoughts or feelings are wrong. There are no rules. Whoever pursues first… If they don’t then they live alone.

  6. Hayes njogu September 5, 2014 at 1:27 pm Reply

    i loved did…. talent no doubt

  7. lexndegwa September 29, 2014 at 9:44 am Reply

    testing??…really,well…i hate being tested but i guess thats how you separate the wheat from the chaff so its ok.Great article

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