So I’ve been writing short posts, shorter than you were used to before we began the new year. A lot has changed between now and then. For one, I stopped talking about men all the time. This is a good thing, right? But apparently not for this joint. Secondly, everything about my days changed and I had to adapt with shorter blog posts. I did not realize I was doing this until a mini-coup was initiated with my last post.

The funniest thing is that the instigator is the reason I decided to write about what I’m going through right now. I recently found myself in a long distance relationship. When you calculate the distance, it’s not really long distance. But when you think about it, it is. When you cannot see each other whenever you want, that’s definitely long distance category.

I have always had the worst attitude towards the phrase “long distance”. I had no problem with the phrase when it was mentioned in my primary school GHC classes alongside Kambas and barter trade. I also had no problem with the phrase in high school. Having a boyfriend in high school, to me was the epitome of everything ludicrous. My attitude grew better after high school, when I began to open my mind to the possibility of a boyfriend. And then I got one. (I make it sound like I was getting a trophy. Lol.) And then I left for Eldoret. And the long distance was there with me, at last.

I’d love to tell you that I was okay with it. I’d also love to tell you he was. But that’s a lie. And when I think of it, it had nothing to do with distance. It’s just that, as humans, we grab the nearest thing we can to label as the excuse for whatever it is we want to get rid of. One moment you are laughing through the phone, the next the two of you are walking down one of the university  streets, he telling you he does not know what is happening. He mumbles long distance somewhere between the walk and you know it’s over. Not at that moment, but it will be over soon. I spent the next few weeks breaking it up in my head.

Fast forward to the year 2015. I’m older. I’m serious. I know exactly what I want in a relationship. Distance is the last thing that would end it. In fact, when I learnt that he got the job miles away, I was ecstatic! Better job any day.

Here’s the thing though, when we were fresh in it, we practically saw each other every other day. We both worked around Westlands. I moved to Karen and it became harder for that nice arrangement. And now he was moving to a whole other county. Did I mention the phone network coverage there sometimes dwindles to close to zero? The first week, I almost wept.

You will think this is strange but I would call his number and a lady would answer. She’d answer and ask who I was then claim it was a wrong number. It happened thrice. The first time, I was furious. I was walking down a dusty road when it happened. (Thank God for the rains, people!) Everything else after that was annoying. The dust. The bicycle rider hooting behind me. The dogs. Anyone asking about my day when I got home. You’re probably thinking that I was mad because I thought he was cheating on me. Far from it. I was mad because I could not understand why exactly he was playing a sick joke on me on the first week he was away. So I expressed the same to him via text. There’s a reason I prefer texts to calls. In the end, it took a very long time of explaining that night to convince me that he did not know what was happening. I let it slide. Until it happened the next evening.

To cut the long story short, when it happened again, I still got mad but this time, I was a bit level-headed. I decided to seek the help of Twitter folks who always know everything. I say that in the most sarcastic of tones. They didn’t help. One claimed that Samsung phones tend to jumble up numbers and make you call random numbers. The other suggested that maybe Safaricom systems were finally acting up, a scenario he’d already pictured many times in his fantasies. In the end, after DMing Safaricom, checking my records and insisting that he call Safaricom himself, they said it had something to do with call diverting in the past. It is safe to assume they solved the problem because it hasn’t happened again since.

What is the point to this story? Every day, I learn something from the little things that happen between us.

  1. Doubt. It’s not the long distance, it’s the doubt. Wanjiru talks about it here and I found it months after she wrote it; very timely. (I was almost late to work watching her on AM Live today. 😀 ) See if I already doubted and the wrong call situation kept happening, I’d probably have thought out the worst of situations and overreacted.
  2. Honesty. Whether you are near each other or not, it all boils down to honesty. I happen to be very honest about my feelings, especially if I am close to someone. If something does not go down well with me, I will say it, whether it causes a squabble or not. If I discover something about someone that I did not know before, I begin thinking about the possibility of many other horrible things I do not know about him or her. I detect the slightest whiff of sketchiness and I want out. Because I believe in not hiding stuff in the name of love. The producers of Satisfaction will probably disagree but it’s the truth.
  3. Time. You make time for the things you love, for the people you love. One of the things that can make me completely write you off my list of people who seem to care is always saying you are busy or you cannot talk because of this and that. Pisses me off big-time. Maybe I am wired differently. Maybe someone does not genuinely have the time. But if it happens time after time, I am sorry but they really don’t care about you.
  4. Talk. If you don’t talk, you will never know. It’s easy to leave things unspoken. It’s easy to assume things. It’s easier to believe that everything is okay when it is not. You will never find out until you ask, whether they are here or there. I learn this every day.
  5. Prayer. You know what? You will never be absolutely sure of the people in your life. You can be sure sometimes and sometimes, not so much. Take time to pray for the man and woman in your life, future or present. Pray for yourself, that you are the kind of woman that man actually deserves. It’s a two-way street.

Right now, Shiku is in the phase where she is thinking a lot. When she thinks a lot, she writes and writes longs she does. I started this post last week, no wonder you can see I referred to an episode of AM Live that’s not today’s. Then things began to unravel, and I just couldn’t shake the feeling that this needed to be published. The weekend was eventful. Too eventful for my liking. I successfully managed to get my laptop screen to crack after years of never having done that before. Now I am really scared of ever sleeping while watching movies, a skill I have perfected since my days in campus on the top bunk. But you can never be too careful, right? Anyway, during the repair session, I had tête-a-tête with a friend who shared this link with me. And I just had to share it with you. Even though it is about marriage, we can all learn a thing or two from it. Also, if you did not know about Janette…ikz’s wedding, here you go, thank me later. Best wedding vows ever. She speaks my mind all the time.

I will stop there for now and hope that I make the right decisions, now more than ever. Hope you’re all having a beautiful April!

Written by Shiku Ngigi
Mum and dad's daughter. Shouting big sister. More than a Facebook friend. Jesus Freak. Wannabe Tomboy. Mouse Potato. Earphone Junkie. Texts over calls. Writes the way she talks.

    6 Comments

  1. thaira April 6, 2015 at 2:49 pm Reply

    Long distance? utazoea with time

  2. Evans Ndekei April 6, 2015 at 2:57 pm Reply

    Did you have to make it that long. Good read

  3. musale April 7, 2015 at 1:23 am Reply

    “… as humans, we grab the nearest thing we can to label as the excuse for whatever it is we want to get rid of… ” that’s a bitter truth. I respect fellows who go through long distance relationships and come out stronger and better. guts.

  4. Chris White April 7, 2015 at 4:39 pm Reply

    Nice write-up!

  5. Billy Adera April 7, 2015 at 11:37 pm Reply

    Well put. I am in one of those, have been for the last more than a year. It is hard

  6. Betty April 10, 2015 at 1:29 pm Reply

    Beautiful piece!!!

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