He will text or call you just to tell you the most trivial of things, just to ensure he kept you up to date or made you laugh. He will keep calling even when you don’t pick at first because you’re stuck in a meeting. If you are stuck somewhere, say, filling NHIF forms and don’t know those weird numbers, he’ll read them out off head – both his ID number and my mum’s, and any other random number you might want.
He works. He toils. All for you all. Basically all of you are assured of one shamba each one day. He will go dig up a whole patch of land on his own. He will dig faster than the farmhand he has employed. He is so energetic, you wonder whether this is a skill that comes with age because you clearly don’t have it.
He will make you laugh. Every. Single. Time. He make jokes about everything. He will be very easy with you. So easy that you might forget he’s your dad and tell him something you would tell your male friend.
He will sleep on that couch and watch you all. You might think he is reading the paper or sleeping but really he is silently observing you and listening. One day, he will mention it and you will be amazed at his memory and imitation power.
He will ensure you have everything needed in the home. Be it water, firewood, gas, electricity or fixtures. One day you are missing the stuff that was stolen, the next he shows up with guys from Kikuyu Selfridges toting stuff, unannounced. Not even mum knows.
He will chauffeur you on random days, even when you had not informed him in advance. Today, for instance, he made sure I got right into Jumuia Place before driving off. And then called to check if I had “acclimatized”. If you want to scout around for a new commute, he’s your guy. He will take you around, just for fun and knowhow.
He will wait up for you on the rare days you’re late. He will walk up to the road with a torch and a huge stick (lol) or drive up to a safe place at the bus terminal. If not, he will ask how you are getting home and insist that you double-check to make sure the cabdriver is not a kimaramari (obviously means something terrible).
He will kick up a fuss if you do something wrong. He will be raving mad. Say when one of you leaves any of the lights in the car on and he finds that the battery is kaput in the morning. He will rant and rave until he has had it out of system, then later he will come back and reason with you, because he almost feels guilty of the rage although he had every right.
He will use the oldest phone in the market. Probably a Nokia Asha. Because all he knows is texting and calling. He calls Google “Gogo” and he refers to any app or similar technology feature as “that thing”. And he goes by just fine. So maybe we should also ditch all these things too. Turns, out, just I was midway into writing this, I discovered he knows that Instagram exists. I am in shock. (Maybe, just maybe, he has parody accounts everywhere, like Claire from Modern Family. :D) Did I mention that he shouts into the phone all the time?
He loves animals and they probably love him too. Chicken and dogs are his favourite. You’ve probably heard him talking to them while feeding them, just him and his animals. He’s tried his hand at all domestic animals available. The only animal that might not like him so much is the mole(s) that eats the potatoes in his shamba. He plays hide and seek with them all the time.
He is the defender. Tell him about someone who didn’t you treat you right somewhere in the course of your 9-5 life out here and he will threaten to walk down there and take it up with the perpetrator.
He will not watch anything on the TV except the news. And maybe the occasional local program that may look interesting, say, Mother-in-law. Otherwise, he couldn’t care less what’s on TV. He does know what goes on though, somehow, so I guess it’s another ploy to make us think he doesn’t watch stuff but he does.
He will speak fondly of his students and learn a song a whole night, just to go sing with them at assembly the next day. He is known as Mwalimu everywhere he goes. He will speak about his plans to retire soon and you will joke about him being your fulltime chauffeur.
Your bros want to be like him. So much so, they even try to talk and crack jokes like him. He will get emotional when you show him the post you wrote for mum but since he’s a man, he will kinda hide it in laughter. Let’s see how he reacts to this one.