By Mukuiya Thiong’o

Growing up, my mother constantly reminded me to avoid peer pressure when I was in high school and campus. I sort of swam the tide and got an education, landed in various offices and finally settled. One thing that my mother never told me was that pressure grows more intense when you start working.

Two months into my job I got into serious problems, got into debt to finance a lifestyle I obviously couldn’t afford to match the top tier firm I worked in.

That led to stress in the relationship with my parents (a story for another day). However, nowadays I’m extra frugal, I save insanely though it hurts sometimes to see the standing order texts from my bank and the SACCO. My mum has given me insane discipline every month to leave it there, have a ledger of my daily expenses and invest on needs.

Anyway, apart from money, there is this immense pressure to suddenly get married or have children. Most of my free weekends are spent seeing or shopping for a gift for a child I have to see or a wedding I have to attend. Pressure from my family especially some of my aunts has moved from “unanunua soda lini?” to “unatuitia njahi na leso lini?

Truth be told, I have nothing against people wanting to get married and have beautiful children, but every day I wake up, I realise that this is probably not something I would want. I came from a relationship recently with a guy I loved and adored in campus, and now I feel, with all I gave to him, I have nothing to offer to anyone else.

Yes, people from church, school and work constantly say that you will heal. Take your time, they say. But if you ask me, I think for the next 3 to 4 years I am not ready to be emotionally invested in anyone. Of course I have moved on. I am not bitter, but I think I would want conversations with more base with my peers.

Let’s form a book club, travel, work insanely (to me 12 hour days are standard working hours) and go to concerts, because, for me, marriage and kids are not in the works. Of course I go for a few dates here and there, but I tend to find most of the guys I see (sorry if you’re reading this) a bit shallow. Life does not revolve on you being promoted, or the new car you bought. Don’t always talk about yourself, there are very many interesting things going on in the world, go with the system.

My friends with kids say that it’s a rewarding life experience and probably something I should consider. However, I would be selfish to involve someone right now and hurt them in the end or bring a child into the world that I would have problems nurturing because I’m too busy with work, school etc. Instead of feeling pressured to be in a relationship, commit or get a child, I feel that it’s perfectly okay for me to feel pressured to pursue a dream of becoming a better child to my mum, an awesome sibling to my sister, one of the best marketers, improve my design, business development and sales acumen while slowly learning to be the Proverbs 31 woman to an amazing guy when I’m ready.

Here’s to living life your way. ☺

Girl jumps in water

Ruth (I will call her that since people still call me Caro 😀 ) is a go-getter, as you can tell from this post. One of my friends who made me blog more in campus. She blogs at thebellemarketer.

Written by Thoughts and Stuff

This post was written by one of our awesome guests. Wageni mwakaribishwa.

    3 Comments

  1. hannahakinyi September 30, 2015 at 8:54 pm Reply

    Thanks for inviting her here Caro 🙂

  2. DiamondMark October 1, 2015 at 10:26 am Reply

    NIce.. that book club is how?? si you send out invites when its formed….hehe and please dont tell me to read seven habits of highly blah blah! #iCant. #iWillNot.
    Finally someone who agrees life isnt about a good job, car and marriage

    Nice read..

  3. Sudi M.M. October 1, 2015 at 11:17 am Reply

    Hahahaha Well I guess it felt liberating for the author to write the above. A good read for what it’s worth, but I see someone living within the constraints of their past. What I’d say though is that whoever hurt her, he took nothing away from her, she is just of the same value and worth (if not better) as before they met. to the author, be easy on the brothers as well, even they are just figuring out their lives as you are. Otherwise don’t try and get intoxicated on these ‘cultured’ tastes of life to drown facing the harder issues of life like marriage and family because they do matter. And this is not by any means a proposal that you should rush into marriage or anything of the sort. Haya thanks.

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