This is a story about a girl. A girl who was in love. A girl who was in love but didn’t know it. A girl named Clara.

You know what, let’s not beat about the bush. I know Clara. She told me this story herself. I didn’t know what to think or to advise her, but I’ll let you be the judge.

Clara had fallen in love several times before. All times were different. Her first love was what we could call her entry-level love. It was probably a crush, a real big crush. He made her excited. He knew how to make a girl happy. She had never experienced this before, mostly because she had never given the concept of boyfriend thought while she was in high school. She was the kind that ran straight to her dad and mum when a boy said something fishy to her on the way home. And now she had found him, or he had found her. Or they found each other. It was all bloom and room for more until she began to feel sad. Everyday she was sad and she knew why. All her swooning had convinced her to push away all the doubts she had about this working until it all became routine. Until she began to see that he was acting different too. Maybe it was all in her head. She cried. She could not eat. He hadn’t even done anything. But that was the problem. She broke it off at the slightest excuse. She sealed that deal. She left for her grandmother’s for a month. There was no way of contacting anyone up there, unless you wrote a letter. At least here, no one would notice she was not herself.

Questions were not asked when she came back. That was the plan. Lots happened after that. She’d meet someone, make friends, she’d start to feel stuff then there would be something wrong. Something her mind told her was off. And she’d back away. Sometimes the guy would wind her up then leave her. In the midst of all this, throughout these years, she met someone else. She noticed him first. He was standing on his own, not talking to anyone else, despite the fact that everyone else was huddled up in groups waiting for queue to move. It was voting season. Campus. She mentioned him to her girlfriend. And her loudmouth of a friend said hi to him.

“Sasa Nick!” she hollered. He looked a tad disinterested, like someone just insulted him.

“Poa sana,” he replied, not very enthusiastically.

“Unavotia nani?” Liz continued.

“Nitajulia mbele,” Nick shot back, putting his hands in the pocket.

Clara thought this was the most arrogant guy she’d ever laid her eyes on. What’s with the attitude, dude? She almost asked, but she decided it was best for all parties to keep that question to herself. All this time,Liz insisted on a conversation. Clara kept throwing furtive glances at him. She’d seen him in class. He looked good, by the way. Probably explained the attitude. She didn’t get most of the things she nodded along to as Liz went on and on, but she did notice that Nick was quiet most of the five minutes they got to the end of the line.

The next time she saw him, he said hi. She was taken aback. The very guy who was acting aloof was initiating conversation! Do you want to guess what he did next? He asked her to his room. Yep. Best believe. It was no big deal though, she hang out in guys’ rooms all the time. He was real nice. He brewed coffee. Told her about how his mum has taught him to treat a lady blah blah blah. Clara thought this was the perfect friend. Wouldn’t you think so too? So yes, friends. After all, she already had other guys she considered suitors, people who were trying to make it official. It was kinda fun, having to choose. Meanwhile, Nick became the guy who brought Liz and a few other friends into a clique of some sort. Everyone knew they rolled together around campus. It was perfect. At least this way, no one would think anyone was interested in anyone in the group.

At some point, Clara began to get jealous of the girls she’d find in his room sometimes. She didn’t say anything though and made certain of it that no one in the group noticed. She hoped that one of those fine days, Nick would suddenly proclaim his love for her. You know, the stuff dreams are made of. She began to think about how it would be like, being with him. After a while, she realised it was never going to happen. It was clearly just a friendship for Nick. She always had that problem of falling for the ones who had no clue. Defensive mode activated. She proceeded to kill every dream and feeling she had started to nurse. Silently. He acquired some sort of girlfriend soon, no one in the group was really sure what she was. Clara decided to do the same. So in the eyes of everyone else, nothing changed.

Years went by. Clara completely forgot her fantasy. She had already had several boyfriends, the ones that are your boyfriends to everyone except you. And then Nick changed. Nick, her bro from another mother. Nick the guy who took her breath away secretly, two years before that. He began to drop hints. He began to smile at her in that way that made her remember all those dreams from years past. Why was he doing this? Didn’t he know that her friendzone was something you never got out of, once you were in? He stopped dropping hints and went full throttle with the wooing. And she wanted to hate and love him at the same time. He took her out and spilled his heart out. She wanted to cry. She wanted to say yes and no. But she ended up saying nothing. She did not know what love was or what she felt anymore.

How about I sleep and continue this one of these days? Thanks. 😛

Written by Shiku Ngigi
Mum and dad's daughter. Shouting big sister. More than a Facebook friend. Jesus Freak. Wannabe Tomboy. Mouse Potato. Earphone Junkie. Texts over calls. Writes the way she talks.

    8 Comments

  1. Issa March 3, 2016 at 10:54 pm Reply

    Really, you build it up and cliff hang it like that…. that is not cool.

    • Shiku Ngigi March 4, 2016 at 6:19 am Reply

      Ha! Look who’s talking.

  2. Betty March 4, 2016 at 10:21 am Reply

    Mahn!! Shiku, you cant do me that 🙁

    • Shiku Ngigi March 4, 2016 at 2:55 pm Reply

      😀

  3. Njeri March 4, 2016 at 6:11 pm Reply

    mwathani!!!! seriously?

    • Shiku Ngigi March 4, 2016 at 6:52 pm Reply

      Muhahahahahahahaha!

  4. hannahakinyi March 5, 2016 at 12:49 pm Reply

    Why did you leave us hanging?

    • Shiku Ngigi March 5, 2016 at 12:56 pm Reply

      Y’all need to chill out!

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