A friend of mine claims this space is gathering digital dust. I have never gone this long without writing. Over three months. So how about I kick this season off with some excuses, right? (Yeah we’re calling it a season now. Next level. 😀 )
If you know me and my digital communication habits, you know that if it’s a weekday, I will not reply to your text or even pick your call unless you said a prayer before you rang me. I will reply to your text at the end of the day, probably in bed. And if I do, it will be a very short reply because I want to be polite. You took your time to text me. I know you are also busy but you still took your time. Sometimes, I will not reply because you just said “hi”. I do not, for the life of me, understand why someone would just text anyone “hi” without another message attached. Like where in the world is this going? Sometimes I forget to reply completely until the next day. I am on a secret WhatsApp number, which for some strange reason, people just decided to be sharing with random people, so I uninstalled the app a few days ago too. So imagine, if I cannot text back because of how intense my weekday is, how will I even sit down and start blogging? This is a strong enough excuse, right? Well, not really Shiku, because you were not idle the past few years either.
Secondly, I decided in my heart and mind that I would not own singleness. This blog had become a place where people actually looked forward to the “Diary of a Single Girl” piece every month last year. I loved writing those pieces. I really enjoyed them because they just flowed. That’s the good thing about writing about what is happening in your life and that is also happening to other people who look forward to seeing their own experiences put down in paper by someone else. I would still do it at the drop of a hat. But you see, the thing is I don’t want to do it or rather, I can’t do it. You know why? Because a lot has happened in the past few months. A lot has happened that has made question why I do what I do in my singleness. Why I reject advances. Why I don’t say yes to risk. Why I’d rather wait and see than say an outright no and move on. I am also past that point where I would write hints at people and hope they’d either get them or never know it was about them. I figured that if I stopped writing about these things, more stuff would happen to help me learn to live life rather than living every moment like I am going to write about it as soon as it is over. This is a legit reason by the way, fight me if you want.
Thirdly, I am stuck in a routine of sorts. I tried running in the morning again and failed. Even bought running gear which I never use. I wake up earlier, thanks to Waiyaki Way traffic and spend about an hour on the road. In this one hour, I can do nothing other than stare at the road or stare at people inside other cars. Hehe. I especially love this bit. Staring at people in other cars, trying to figure out what they are thinking or telling each other. I know car brands very well nowadays. I even notice car types in movies and other random places I would never have a year ago. (My Google Now sends me links about Toyota cars man!) I get to the office and react to stuff then, if time allows, I actually do the things on my to-do list. By the time it’s time to go home, I have rarely done what needs to be done because random stuff comes up every single time and so I have to carry work home. I spend another hour trying not to be bullied on the road (I am getting really good at this), staring at other people and laughing with my colleagues. By the time I’m home, it is dark and I don’t want to do anything else. But I have to cook and/or work. By the time I am sleepy, I have no idea where the time has gone. In the past, I would write in matatus a lot, but not anymore. There is an upside and downside to everything under the sun depending on how you look at it.
You might also know by now that I edit this amazing blog here by Kariuki Kimuyu, Kisauti.com. Sometimes I read his pieces and I am like, “You know what, Shiku, leave writing to people like this one, people who actually live for this art.” He is really good and I literally only take care of the few typos here and there. We would fight a lot at the beginning about certain topics but we eventually agreed to disagree. If you have never passed by there, I can promise you, you are missing out. Thank me later. That’s the other reason I am slack around here. Very weak excuse, might need crutches to stand on its feet.
So why in the world am I writing now? Because I decided to write. Because I decided to put away everything else and just do this. Plus I didn’t have to cook today. I have always believed that all it takes to write is deciding to do it. I have just been postponing it, with the help of the weak excuses above. I have a good feeling that I have probably pried open the writing part of my brain and I will resume doing this more often. Perhaps I will reevaluate my routine. I even went on leave in late February, just to see if things would change, but of course I found things to do then. However, you can be sure I am not writing any more diary entries on singleness. Sorry girls. Maybe I will put a twist to it. We’ll see.
I hope you are all well. Thank you for the nudges. I appreciate it. 🙂