29 at 29

As I enter my 30th year, a few somethings from 2018:

You may start the year with all the resolutions in the world (even when you’ve never been a resolutions kind of person), but the year may shock you in both good and bad ways by giving you its own resolutions for you. How you embrace those surprises is up to you.

You will say no so many times that, when you finally say yes, you’ll learn that the saying no helped your saying yes get easier.

Sometimes. No, who am I kidding. A lot of times, your boss will drive you crazy. You will want to quit 1000 times. But a lot of times, you’re probably at fault too. Because you want to think people read minds, even Β when you know they don’t. And you want other people to change, and not you. And you will hang on to past hurt to no real gain. Then you’ll get all the wiser and realize, no matter how much someone else wants to help you, if you don’t want to help yourself, you might as well shut it and drown in your pool of self-pity. Which will lead you nowhere. So, better alternative, get up and show what you got. Because no-one else is going to do that for you.

It’s good to have a list. I mean, it implies you’re organized and whatnot. But when the rubber hits the road, a list is just a list. You may have missed things on your list and you may have not thought about adding columns that qualify the items in the list. Why is it so important for you to find someone who has that particular thing? Why does he have to have it now and not later? Life is not a shopping spree.

Living alone is pure joy. I know I’d preached against this here for years. In fact, my first night alone, I walked up the stairs to ask my then annoying neighbour to turn down her volume. Also, I can’t stay with a cat for now. That notwithstanding, there are many things I would not have experienced without moving out. Needless to say, it’s great segue into marriage. I think. Don’t quote me.

You can have stronger bonds with friends separated through time and space than those a stone’s throw away from you. Not everyone will get it. Hang on to those friends. The proverbs still stand, you know, β€œFimbo la mbali haliui nyoka” etc, but today, that fimbo is still complimented by one miles away through technology and love.

Dance! Break free from shyness. It’s so liberating. Trust me.

Be patient with that hair. Including the white ones. You’ll be surprised at how fast dead cells can crown your head.

Experiment. Try. It really does not hurt. Red Fenty lipstick can actually look good on you. Eventually. I think. Unless everyone has been lying. Lol.

This post was supposed to go up last year, on 29th. But I kept pushing it, like I did all my posts. Not anymore. I just restarted it from here. Because I realized the more you stop doing things you love, you kill a part of you slowly. I’m learning this from slowly picking up my reading. From Becoming.

You will find him.

He will make you happy. You will make him happy too. Iron will sharpen iron.

You will ask yourself which finger the ring goes on the night it happens. A question you’ve never even asked yourself your entire life.

You will learn wedding dress types and names. And realize how hard it is to find that one you’ve been pinning all over Pinterest. But you know in your heart you will find it.

You are realizing how much it takes to do all that it takes to fulfil your people’s dreams for you, because you know it’s not just about you. But you’ll do it. Because that’s what first-borns do.

You just broke the news the way you were not supposed to. Lol.

Let’s assume nothing just happened and move on. You will question a lot of things about why you do what you do, as you always have. You’re still looking for the answers. There’s got to be more to life.

Like being there for others. Reaching out and dialling a number you should have dialled months ago and finding out how that girlfriend is. Just listening to someone, or hugging that child who has stealing tendencies because they don’t know better.

You will fight. You will make up. You will break your own rules. You will feel guilty. You will get up and keep moving.

You will join the Netflix zeitgeist and stream on bundles for months until Safaricom finally comes your way with home fibre and a free Sunday newspaper. You will watch too many things and forget half of them.

You will learn to be more spontaneous and sometimes live for the moment. See the world. The world right outside your doorstep or a little beyond.

You will reconsider going back to WhatsApp.

You will start learning a new language. Something you never thought you’d ever do. Especially French, of all languages. A challenge is beautiful.

You will watch people blossom around you. And your heart will swell with joy, because you get to be a part of that journey with them. And blossom alongside them. And attend all them happy occasions.

Days will fly. It’s crazy. You’re growing old. And it’s exciting.

Your playlists will change. Because songs that you could never relate to now make complete sense.

You will learn to give without expecting anything in return. Because that’s what giving really is, anyway.

You will get your rhythm back. And you will learn to accept that not everything is black and white.

Je t’aime.