It’s been a minute since you thought about this topic.
Everywhere you turn, that topic is bound to crop up. Think back to this Sunday. The first thing that happens when you walk into the church compound is a friend telling you that he dreamt of attending your wedding. Somebody say amen? He insisted on it, even after bumping into him again after the service, even though the last time you talked was ages ago. This is not the only dream that someone has told you about btw.
People have dreamt of your non-existent boyfriend all through the year and are always super excited to tell you about it. Then you sit with two dads, your dad and his friend, and they talk about how far they’ve come, punctuated by commercial breaks when they read out texts from people wishing them a Happy Father’s Day. “What do you say when someone texts you that?” the friend asks. “Say thank you” you laugh. They go on with the tales. How it would be super disappointing if you brought home a guy who was simply not up to standard. You don’t want to ask what that standard is, but a lot can be deduced from just that.
Your mum is getting a bit worried about your social life. You have been spending too much time at home with them. That’s not normal. A few weeks ago, you were the girl who was never home on weekends. She said it recently and you were like “What?! Are you kidding me, mother?” Lol. Who says mother? Anyway, back to the point at hand. Why would something be wrong with your social life just because you choose to stick at home and hang out with fam? You already decided not to go on pointless dates that are super pointless to the point of pointlessness. (Clearly. Feelings. Caught. Somewhere. Somehow. Lol.) And once you make a decision, there is no going back. Like how you dropped Facebook and Instagram like two hot potatoes. Only that your dad and bro keep posting pictures of you in there. You honestly couldn’t care less. You just hear the news in passing. I saw your pic. Where? Facebook. Who posted it? Your dad. Are you kidding me? Oh well. The last thing you think about nowadays is whether they posted the pic with your good side or not. Good side, bad side, doesn’t matter. Do you. You are not complaining. In fact, it’s actually pretty chill just being you now. It makes you think.
If anything is stressing you, it’s definitely not your social life. It’s other things. Like when you will get the balls to drive to work alone. Maybe it will happen tomorrow, with no Ls to support your fear. Like when you will clear all the tasks on your desk. Like when you will get over your fear of public speaking. Like when you will find a proper schedule to write when exactly when you should. Like when you will get it together and learn how to handle obnoxious people with grace. You’re beginning to realize that you have a very low tolerance for impatient people. Yes, you can be patient, but you have your limits. And those limits can be pushed. Every single day. They can be pushed without any real effect on anyone. But then when every single day drags into weeks, then those limits will begin to be shaken. And you will shock everyone. Everyone who thinks you are the strong girl. They will realize that strength comes with weakness. And in that one moment you will break down, and rethink your entire life. You have learnt to accept that there will always be good and bad people in this world. It is up to you to take the good and bad and mix them up together to maintain a certain balance that keeps you on your feet. Your first instinct is not to bolt when you feel like you’ve failed. Your first instinct is to be quiet. To wait. To pray.
You are trying new things every now and then. Your cray BFF (yes, that’s what you are now, Miss) made you wear lipstick recently. Like you now know what Nouba products are. You only find out later that This is Ess has actually talked about those products. And you’re seriously considering buying one for yourself. That will be the day. Lol. You are even wearing brighter stuff. Seriously. You have always been the “it has got to be black, grey, purple or brown or I am not wearing it” kinda girl. You now have pink in your wardrobe. Like seriously. If this is not a new you, I don’t what is. Coming to Birth. (Also, if you are tired of the many “seriously”s in this post, kindly take a seat. They are people doing more tiring things than you and you don’t see them complaining. 😀 )
You struggle with five books for weeks until you find a love story. This one you down in one day. Flat. Me Before You. One day. You can’t put it down. It makes you so happy. She’s 26 like you. She’s kinda weird like you. Or at least you think so. And then she finds love in the most unbelievable places. Yeah, yeah, yeah… You should not be reading too much into such a story and making it look like it’s another version of you in the book. But you can’t help it! Love stories make you swoon. Make you believe in love even you don’t want to, or don’t find a reason to. At least that’s something to make you keep reading, no? And then that ending happens and you’re back to real life. And that’s the beauty of it all. Pretty much like Jane the Virgin. Another thing that got you and your girls hooked. Stories that remind you that life is not a bed of roses, but you got to make hay while the sun shines.