Ten Reasons Why I Am Single

Let’s get right to it:

  1. I like it. Maybe I don’t. The bottom line is I have deluded myself to believe that I like it. It is much better than crying over some stupid thing (and boy can I cry over stupid things, behind a closed door, in the dark, under covers.) I do not want to be hurt. More importantly, I do not want to hurt someone.
  2. I am waiting. I still feel I am too young to fret over being single. Furthermore, I listen to too many songs and poems that tell me it is actually preferable to stay this way. So yeah, I blame Lecrae and Janette…ikz for writing ‘Like That’ and “I will wait for you’ respectively.
  3. ‘Shiku, socialize, don’t specialize.” Words from my mum way back in high school. I guess it stuck. I want to hang out with different male friends at different levels and sort of study them (wrong choice of word). The downside of this ‘wise’ move is that I now have friends who refer to me as one of their boys. Sigh. I can live with that.
  4. Maybe I never really got over someone somewhere. Let me not get into the details of that story.
  5. I never find the right guy. Yeah, I know you will go all ‘Shiku, there is no right guy’ on me. Sweetie, there is a right guy. If there wasn’t, we would get hitched to the first person of the opposite sex who shows interest. So I am yet to find him. Maybe one of my male friends will be the right guy someday but not today.
  6. I do not want baggage. Basically, I am a selfish little girl like I stated a year ago in this post here. I have this notion that if I decided to be committed to someone right now, I’d probably not give my all to my studies. Wrong notion, I know. What makes me think that when I get a full-time job, it will be easier to concentrate on both my job and my family if that is the reasoning I employ right now? All the same, that is me now. I want, no, I need to focus.
  7. Men do not want what I want. I know relationships are about compromise. I do not want to compromise right now. I am not going to cave in to what a man asks simply because I am in some love trance. This is a corollary to the fact that I have this weird bad-boy syndrome. I tend to fall for bad boys (relative term) faster than good boys when, all the while, I know we cannot be together, ever. If I said yes to one, he would obviously demand something I cannot give right now. So I’d rather be on my own until I figure out a way to stay put till the day a good man will present himself.
  8. I have set standards that are too high for my own good. It is a result of all these factors stated herein. I have convinced myself that I will not settle for less because I have a list. Oh yes, I have a list in my head.
  9. I think too much. I have a war in my brain. A war between pleasing everyone else around me with the boyfriend I choose or simply doing it for me. I am not that selfish after all. I may find someone who makes me happy but does not make my parents happy. (As if to drive this point home, mum just called as I was typing this very sentence. Second time she’s called today. Need I say more?) I rationalize too much. This is exactly what I am doing with this list right here.
  10. Though I rarely admit this, I have watched too many movies; too many fairy tales that fill all the wrong ideas in my head. Like I will go riding on a bus and meet my future husband just like that (Adjustment Bureau really got into my head).

I am done.


My Brother’s Keeper

I just began with a cliché…oh well…

I just got back home for a very long holiday, one of those that everyone expects you to get a job. Anyway, that is beside the point. My brother is a candidate (as we are fond of labelling anyone in class eight) and somehow, it has been said that if he does not pass, it is on me (the things firstborns go through!)

So I started thinking how it was so unfair that my brother has so many people to bank on while it was just me back in the day; back in the day where I had to pass, if not for me, for the others to have an example to follow.

Then I realized how selfish my thoughts were. It was not just me back in 2003, I had mum and dad; two adults who would have had so much for themselves if I had not come into the picture. Sometimes I think I was the experiment, an experiment which turned out quite well if I might say, something like Professor Utonium’s powerpuff girls.

And because I turned out alright, who am I not to give back? Lecrae (everyone who knows me knows I am so crazy about His lyrics) has this awesome track ‘Chase that’. One line totally stands out in this regard,

I used to want to do it big

When you’re only focused on yourself that’s small

How true. It’s not all about me. It is not all about what I want and what I need. It is about helping my brother, both biological and otherwise to get to where they ought to be. As we speak, my brother has renewed energy simply because I also showed renewed interest in his education. And when (not if) he makes it, it will be his success.

Cain claimed he was not his brother’s keeper. I am thinking this is mostly because, at back of his mind, he knew that he was, indeed, his brother’s keeper. Jesus talked about feeding and clothing brothers and sisters. He did it, we should to. Whatever it is you do for someone who is looking up to you or lacking, you do it for Him. I finish off with Jesus’ words of wisdom

‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25:40


Unashamed and Happy

I am finally on my way home, yaayy! All the same, I am extremely hungry because I get real excited at the prospect of going home. So much so that I forget I have a tummy on days like this. It hits me in the middle of the five hour journey. Not to mention I am so bored because all I can listen to is the annoying Bongo (no offence) that is playing on the North Rift’s radio speaker next to me at the back. Oh well, I might as well spill my thoughts on paper. (This time I actually did it on real tangible paper and took forever to transfer it to this place).

Nevertheless, deep down inside, I am happy.