You know how people tell you they don’t want something but they do? Like how men think that a no from a lady means yes? Well, I was not going to do this. Mostly because he explicitly said I should not write about him. But I know deep inside, he expects I will write about it sooner or later.
I was always the single girl in here a few months ago, for many years. Until I was not. Until I began writing my ‘fictional’ posts. So how fictional were they? For one, the WhatsApp mishap was true. Lucy is me. Lucy has always been me. I know you know that but I had to make it clear. I did mess up a friendship on WhatsApp by suggesting I liked someone who did not like me back. I did feel like my world had come crushing down. I did lose him for a long time. It has never been the same but that’s the thing about mature friendships, you find a way of rebuilding them.
Secondly, Lucy – she who fell for the wingman – is also yours truly. I made it as fictional as possible to protect identities and avoid anything blowing out of proportion. But yes, I had two friends in campus. Yes, I thought one was interested in me. Yes, I fell for his friend. Yes, he disappeared. Yes, I felt like my world had crushed the second time. No, I did not cry. That part I made up for dramatic effect. What kind of budding fiction writer would I be if I did not?
Thirdly, Lucy – the one who finally found her match – is really Shiku. There, I said it. Yes, I met him in campus. Yes, he has some serious game on, that man. No, he did not send flowers to my office but it was something else (he has, however, sent flowers after that.) Yes, I am no longer single. Don’t wait for a relationship status update on Facebook. J
There. The cat is out of the bag. When I wrote that singlehood post, the most popular post on this blog in 2014, I had never expected the kind of reaction it elicited from you all. I am not sure what it was exactly that triggered it but I am sure it has something to do with honesty. See where it got me?
Word of advice. If you want something, if you need something to change in your life, admit your insecurities and weaknesses first. Then envision what you want. No, I am not trying to go all ‘The Secret’ on you. Frankly, that thing is a bit freaky to me. All I am saying is, you want your life to change, start with yourself. Yawn, cliché. Finished yawning? Good. Truth.
You may think that we ladies are passive during the search for the one you want to spend the rest of your life with but it is not true. For instance, if you are approached by an interested man, you have the choice to look away. You have the choice to lock yourself up in your house and only come out when you absolutely have to. But you have to make yourself available. The search is a two-way event. The changes I made in my life were subtle, some almost silly. Case in point, I deleted my WhatsApp. If you look at your WhatsApp right now, you will find me, but I will never receive the messages you send me. Sorry, if you have sent me some since June. I made the decision to leave when I realized I gave random people too much time to play around with me. That’s the thing about me, you are on the other end bored and just looking for a girl to while away your boredom and this girl is taking you seriously on this end. Damn I used to be pathetic. So I left. I left to make myself available to people who were actually truly interested in knowing me beyond a piece of cheap technology. I am not hating on WhatsApp, no. There is a reason it was bought for those many millions. I am just saying it was not for me. So don’t ask again. 🙂
You may think I am making this up, but things began to happen when exactly I left WhatsApp. Discover what is holding you back and ditch it. Simple. No fiction here.
So I am now here. After years of being single. I will not tell you it is all bliss. Immediately I acquired the title girlfriend, I began to see him in a different light. I get mad over the simplest things. I began noticing tiny characteristics I could not see before. But that’s the thing about relationships, I believe. You begin to see who the person really is and it is up to you to deal with it maturely. I remember my first try at a relationship, I never said what bothered me when it happened, and I could just keep quiet. Silent treatment. Most immature thing you could ever try. I am learning that every day. Talk about things that bother you with your significant other. Otherwise, you might end up a sad person dating another sad person who just keeps it up so he cannot hurt you. The worst thing that could happen is marrying the person because you have to. Because you’ve wasted each other’s four years and you’re now 30 and you have no option.
Also, you will never find a perfect person. You will never be perfect yourself. But you can be the person who makes the other person want to be better, help them be better. I have a couple in mind as I write this. They have been together for years. What he is today, what she is today, completely different from what they were years back. Iron sharpening iron (man I love that concept). I only hope I can be that Proverbs 31 woman now and even in future.
As for my boys, they still exist, now more than ever. I mean, who else am I supposed to tell when I feel like I cannot do this anymore? There are things you tell your bff and there are things you tell your boy, because he is the same species as your boyfriend. I think too much, as always. I wonder if I was really engineered for a relationship. Stupid thought, right? My boys come in handy. Sometimes though, I forget I am supposed to do certain things with him and not them. When I was totally new in the relationship, I went to an event with one of my boys. I thought it was totally okay to not ask W. That kinda drove him mad. It also made my other boy question my relationship a lot. But I am still learning. He is a very mature man by the way. When I am tempted to resort to my silent treatment ways, he does not retaliate and then I have to literally (wo)man up. Also, he is my opposite in many ways. If you know me, you know I am not the most reserved person around people I know. He is. Never has the cliché ‘opposites attract’ rang truer. That will be all about him. I have already gone past the threshold. What can I say, maybe vision 2017 may be closer than 2017.
Now you know. No more questions. Your world may feel like it is crushing right now, but if you look around, it is not. Move on. Even if you dated for years with a wedding in the near horizon and he suddenly felt you were not the one. Even if you are 30 and scared your biological clock is ticking. Even if your aunties want to know when they are coming for your wedding. Let them be. Live your life. Pray. Wait. No, I am not trying to be Dr. Phil or whoever is the Oprah of the 21st century. I am just telling you what I have learnt in these months. It may not be the same for everyone, exactly why you should not compare yourself with others. Keep off that Facebook news feed if you have to. Also, don’t exert yourself in a relationship if it is doing more harm than good. I know one of my boys knows what I am talking about here. I am not saying you should not work on your relationship, I am saying you have to rely on your gut in some of these things and divine intervention.
I wish you all the best in love and life as we continue into the New Year. Thank you for walking with me through it all in here, regardless of how vague I can get. If you want more details, you know where to find me. Obviously not WhatsApp.
I also want to know who came up with the word bae in 2014. This is the first and last time I am using it anywhere myself. Like seriously. Come up with better words of affection in 2015 y’all.
Happy New Year sweethearts!