It’s Time but I Am Afraid


By Kizzy B

I am in my late twenties. Time is moving too fast but, my life… doldrums for lack of a better word is what I feel right now. You see, people are often comfortable with the saying: “Everything happens for the right reason, at the right time and maybe with the right person.” How challenging that statement is to me.

Before you judge me for rushing my life and feeling as though I don’t belong, let me tell you something. Life is history, it repeats itself but with a different audience. You are born, you go to school, you marry or get married to someone, you have babies, you grow old and your children take you to an elderly home, then you die and your children go through the same cycle. You get my drift?

Between now and tomorrow I want to be with someone for the right reasons, to build, to grow alongside each other, to create, to care and be intimate with him.

Most times, my subconscious takes me to my fantasy world, where I see myself as a wife, as a mother and more so a grandma. I picture myself showering kisses on my husband and being there for my family, a prayer warrior for them. As they say, “your mother’s prayers keep you moving”.

I am so positive that I am ready to jump the broom. I am so ready to be a mother. I am so ready for the next milestone. I know it will not be all juicy. There will be times when my chocolate will melt, but will I just sit there and watch it go to waste or will I make cocoa?

Lately, the man above the skies and I have been having this debate, or rather discussion, on where that handsome creature is. It wasn’t a desperate discussion we were having, you know. I was seriously asking God for a husband. And I looked above my ceiling and I told him how I am just tired of being dropped off at my parents’ gate and waving goodbye to him each single evening. Don’t get me wrong, I am not distressed about not having a man, I am in need of starting my own family.

After lamenting my issues to Him, I began to feel a strong urge to wait, God works in mysterious ways, right? The strong urge to wait didn’t make any sense to me, my mind was clouded with the thought of settling down. So I went back to God and I told him I needed to have coffee with him because this would be a very long discussion. This is how ¼ of the dialogue went like.

Me: Father, you know life is just but moving too fast, is there hope for me? Where is my rib?
God: Daughter you know a day to me is like a thousand years, so why the worry?
Me: I am not worried. It’s just that I have the desire to settle down and you know I have been pure all the days of my life. Really father, at my age virgins are 1 in 20
God: I know you really desire a husband, however you need to be patient for a while. You deserve much better, he will come along.

After that discussion I should have felt much better, right? But I felt empty, you know, there were unclear needs and answers but I was positive that my desires would be met soonest. That desire to live with someone and love deeply and be intimately involved with is exciting and beautiful.

A wise woman builds her home while a foolish one destroys it
So dear person I stole thy rib:
I am not getting married to you because of how wealthy you might be,
I am in need and in want for you.
For various needs and wants.
Small steps to live with someone have to be made,
I am so sure that you would not want to be a bachelor forever.
Have you ever imagined coming to a home full of your mini self’s?
Your attention they seek
How terrifying amazing that is

Have you ever desired that daddy/ husband feeling?
Marriage is a whole new book and
I am little afraid of it
If you want/ need me
Let’s read this book together
I want you for me, I for you and for the sole purpose of being together unknown.


Check out one more article by Kizzy on this blog: As She Views It

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