Sometimes, I feel really down for no apparent reason. Most times, I feel bad I am not making it in life as much as I should. Sometimes, I feel bad because I think the world is unfair. This is the time I take on as many distractions as I can to stop feeling this way. If I don’t, I will end up crying. I can be a baby. A big baby.
I know life has its ups and downs. I know I have had it very easy in my life. I don’t know why but I have. Things go my way so many times that when they don’t, I feel the world is unfair. That is when I pause and see the other side of it. God has been so gracious to me. I only start feeling sad when I compare myself with others. I am pretty sure I am not the only one who intentionally depresses herself like this.
I look around, all my friends seem to be living the life, things are happening for them. In the meantime, I am still attending interviews and going to a tentative job every day. But in essence, they went through the same things I am going through before things started happening. I love that I have friends who have it going for them, it means I have great taste. They make me want to be better all the time.
I can be impatient. I admit that. Sometimes, I want things to go my way or the highway. A friend of mine I have never even met gave me a lecture someday I was moping about how pathetic my internship was. He told me that things will not always go the way I want them to. That I had to be humble. I got really mad and stopped talking to him. But he was right.
One day I will look back at this post and remember that life is a journey that starts with one step. I will remember that I did not paint my life flowery for twitter retweets and Facebook likes. I will remember that I got where I am by sheer determination and self-esteem. And I will remember that all I am and will be is an effort of my friends, family and God.
11.45 PM, 27/09/2013
This was never to be blogged but I felt it might reach out to somebody a year later, especially to remind you that you may feel down right now but if you believe and work towards your passions, you will get back up again. (Cliché or not.) Also, to yank any thoughts you may have had in your head that, perhaps, all of Shiku’s forlorn unpublished pieces are about men. We go down, we come back up. 🙂