35 at 35

It took me all of five years to resurrect what was supposed to be a yearly tradition.  

I had started the post last year and stopped. These were supposed to be 34 nuggets at 34.

Here we are now. 

You might want to pass by 29 at 29 and 30 at 30. I would not take anything out of everything I said back then.

On Marriage

1. Once again, two are better than one. There are many things you can afford to do now, simply because there is one person you wake up next to everyday (apart from the times he has to travel) who will never leave your side. Even when you are mad at each other for a day or two, you are mature enough to know that silent treatment leads nobody nowhere. You just need the day to cool off. Because you will want so badly to share that tweet or reel, because there is nobody else in the world who will get it. He will want to share a thought he cannot share with anybody else. That is the beauty of marriage.
2. By the way, if you read 29 at 29, there is the point about lists. Bruh… If you’re still out there waiting for your man or woman with a checklist in hand, stop. Stop right there. Money comes and goes. Jobs are lost. People change. If it feels right and you have given them a chance to show who they are and what they can do, go for it. The list will build itself later.
3. The more you grow into marriage, the more you discover yourself. Note, not your partner but yourself. You understand that what appeared to be a non-negotiable before is actually very laughable. 
4. When the babies come, there will be a period where you two are just surviving on good vibes. Because you really can’t leave a baby who relies on you for everything the first few months. It’s very important to maintain good vibes with your ride or die. If you shift your entire attention to the baby and then the baby grows up and leaves y’all, it will be a very awkward reset between the two of you.
5. Now for the fun part. Revive date nights. Post each other wherever you like posting. Go on road trips. Whatever floats your shared boat. Just don’t stop doing things you used to do for fun during your dating period simply because you are married with kids now. Just make it work. If you can leave your kids with the nanny for work, you can sure as hell leave them for two hours to watch a movie!!!

On Babies

6. Life can seem hard sometimes, especially when adulting gets really real and you have babies looking up to you for everything. Those innocent little precious bundles of joy (and tantrums 😉). And when inflation is hitting you from all corners and you are taking bold steps for their futures. Keep up the good fight.
7. You will start looking at the prices of goods at the supermarket. You never used to do this that much a few years ago. You swore by certain brands. Now you know better. Sunrice is cheaper than Ranee, but it’s actually better. But they are by the same company 🤯 Calculating costs meticulously. Adulting. 
8. Your body is still playing tricks on you, after baby number two. You ignore it most times because that’s what women do. But the trips to the doctor’s are now part of life, because babies need them shots. You cannot even remember the days you never ever used your insurance cards. Life does change.
9. What is sleep? Your toddler wakes up at 6.45am while the infant wakes up every three hours or so for boob. You might as well just be your mother who used to keep wondering how you were able to sleep deeply till 10am. Girls, please sleep in your youth with no apologies. Update: Infant-turned-toddler sleeps all night away from me now!! 
10. Babies grow like weeds. Full stop. That’s the good thing about point 9. You will lose sleep for those first two years then you can enjoy it again for a while until the next one.
11. Now you would think the second time doing this parenting thing gets easier, but it really does not. You have to figure out the weaning bit again. First time you went full-on ninja and rubbed chilli pepper on your nipples — to the horror of both you and the child. She cried. You winced. It worked. You might have to take this route again. 2025, be kind please and show me another way. Update: 2025 was indeed kind and baby boy forgot about the breast all by himself. Of course it took a bit of distractions on my end but the fact is he stopped. Just drinks a whole lot of milk now. 😀 
12. School fees. Kumbe this one is that serious. You have never taken it as seriously as now. Thankfully you took out some education insurance a few years ago. And by the end of the year, you know school choice is a very important choice. You try to think of a new school and visit a few again, but then you are reminded of why you went with the first choice anyway. Stick with it. Don’t break the bank at kindergarten please. Preschoolers are very versatile. You might not even gel with management, but the kid loves the school and her friends with it. Pick your battles.
13. That myth about school and flus. Oh my word. It is very true. Chick goes back to school and in two weeks, the sniffles and coughs enter the building. Then everyone in the house catches it in turn and the cycle continues. Holidays are the only periods you will know peace from viruses. 

On Career

14. You will weigh the pros and cons of consulting vis-à-vis full time employment. You will dabble in both over a period of years. Mostly because of point number 1. You can do it because you have a shoulder to fall back on. You still weigh the pros and cons even now, as you navigate the year. Withholding tax + more flexibility + more work? Vs. Better medical insurance + Pension + Stable monthly income? What topples what? 2024 will seal that deal once and for all. And it sure did.
15. You will continue to come out of your shell and reach out to people for what you want in your career. You will be unashamed. You will put modesty aside gradually. It has been a long walk but you are getting there.  
16. Know your worth. Greener pastures are not always green. I have said this before. Sometimes they are just all PR, with a serious culture problem inside the beautiful offices. Forget your worth for one second, haggle your way inside while ignoring red flags and you will remember why red flags should not be ignored. While you will learn many things from the experience, don’t fall for the same trick again.
17. Crazy things you didn’t see coming will come. Bubbles will burst across the industry. Layoffs will happen. Through it all, there will be different outcomes for different people. Just keep moving. And repackaging yourself. I discovered this secret as a naive 20 year-old. Check out the blog post from 2011. I am still waiting to get on a rollercoaster by the way. 😂
18. Ignore generative AI at your own peril. And any other AI that’s gaining momentum as the years go by. The end.
19. Who you know is very important because people are the key to everything we do. I am not talking about the old Kenyan myth about people getting jobs because they have an uncle who helps them get employed. No. I am talking about building your own network. And not burning bridges. You just never know who will come through for you in these very interconnected career corridors.

In General

20. You will learn things you didn’t know about people you know, even family. You will become a lot less judgy as you age. And that is the beauty of life. 
21. If there is something you keep saying you will do and don’t do it, find a way to stay accountable. It could be that you dread letting people down, like me. So if making a promise to someone about that goal will be your drive, do it.
22. You will shift goal posts, and that’s okay. Life milestones are not set in stone. That third baby can wait another year or two. LOL.
23. You will be adventurous, even in spiritual matters. Like who says because you have been a Presbyterian all your life and married to one you cannot step out and see what else is out there? You may like it, or you may not. But now you have seen what it is like to do things differently.
24. Being the change you want to see in this world always sounds cool, doesn’t it? But it is not as cool when you actually have to do it, especially when other people around don’t necessarily believe in the same cause. Do what you can. Like one high school principal used to tell us at every parade: Play your role and play it well.
25. Get one more piercing. And another. And another. Cut your hair. Show them white hairs. Do you. 
26. Friends remain precious. Sometimes you will not talk for months or even years, but you know they are there because you see their reactions to your rare posts. It happens. And when called upon, you’ll be there for them — and them for you.
27. You will do stupid things like forget where you left your keys. Your phone. Walk out of the supermarket without paying. Embarrassing things. It’s the age. Just remember to apologise profusely when it affects someone else.
28. Treat your folks to nice things. They might not ask you to, but they deserve it. Take them to a nice restaurant or on a short holiday. Run errands for them. They will talk about it forever. You will have made their days.
29. Your tastes will evolve. Githeri is finally palatable. Your playlists are way more Nigerian than they ever were, if at all. Just in case someone comes here and says they miss being introduced to new jams, I will leave this here.

Recommendations

30. Google Calendar. Don’t want to forget dates or stay on the same page with your partner or friends? Calendar everything.
31. Uber Eats. Life saver when you can’t go out and need groceries. 
32. Spotify. Best localised algorithm ever. Not sure why I was wasting time on Apple Music.
33. Lu.ma. Found cool networking events here. They even have a dedicated Nairobi page nowadays. In 2024, I would have to go all boolean on Google to discover events in Nairobi. (i.e. “nairobi” site:lu.ma)
34. Google Maps “Latest in the area” feature. This one never fails me. Best place to get the cool spots to hang out near you, as opposed to relying on social media pages and ads. This is because Google Maps gives you organic feedback from people’s reviews and thus ranks locations based on actual feedback. I have been to several places I have no knowledge of simply based on that neat feature.
35. Newsletters. Once you find really cool email newsletters, there is no going back. You can actually stay off social media and still be in the know. (See my favorites below, arranged according to their age.)
    • KenyaBuzz
    • TC Daily
    • Tech Safari

Until next time!  ✌️